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Archive for the 'Segments' Category
(This entry has been crossposted, no pun intended, to my own blog. All must know the majesty that is Dreamcast.)
One of the greatest video game systems of all time celebrates its tenth birthday today…yet it’s been dead and buried for most of the past decade.
Yes, I’m talking about the almighty Sega Dreamcast. I was a senior in college way back in September of 1999, and I knew one person who bought a Dreamcast on launch day. Everyone else was a bunch of pathetic fools. (Or, being in college, just broke.) Regardless, we played a hell of a lot of Sonic Adventure, Jet Grind Radio, Soul Calibur, Power Stone, and other mold-breaking titles that Sega saw fit to unleash upon us. Sadly, the hugely successful launch of the PlayStation 2 a year later essentially killed the Dreamcast. The gaming masses’ dismissal of the Dreamcast at that point infuriated many a Sega fan, myself included. They never even gave the system a chance!
Aside from the phenomenal games library, look at all of the forward-thinking technology Sega crammed into the Dreamcast. For starters, it had a built-in modem, making it the only console that supported free online play out of the box until the release of the PS2 Slim in 2004; the Xbox (released in 2001) had an Ethernet port, but online play was not free. (It still isn’t!) The Dreamcast also had a web browser, support for an optional Ethernet adapter, VGA/480p output capability, multiple memory card slots in the controllers, an offset analog stick, memory cards that doubled as handheld gaming systems…the list goes on. Some games even linked up with the NeoGeo Pocket!
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: the Dreamcast is the most underrated video game system ever made. There was a boatload of fantastic titles produced for it, many of which are still ahead of their time today…but people practically ignored the console in favor of the PS2. That isn’t to say that the PS2 didn’t deserve the praise; far from it. (The damned thing is still going strong almost ten years after its release!) It’s just that too many fanboys had blinders on: PS2 was the only thing that existed in their field of vision after the success of the original PlayStation, and they weren’t going to give anything else a second look. Sure, Sega’s massive mistakes with the Saturn didn’t help the gaming public’s perception of their upcoming system, but plenty of blame does still lie with the consumer. The games released over the Dreamcast’s lifespan can easily go toe-to-toe with its competitors. Proof of this is the fact that many Dreamcast titles were later ported to the PS2, GameCube, and Xbox!
I maintain that if Sega had waited and released the Dreamcast alongside the PS2 in the fall of 2000, it would’ve been considerably more successful. Even if more people still wanted the PS2, that console had severe shortages. With another brand-new console sharing shelf space, what do you think they would’ve gone for, especially during the Christmas rush? Even though the Dreamcast launched only a year prior to the PS2, it was considered “old” by the time Sony’s console hit the shelves. (C’mon, even some Nintendo fanboys considered the PS2 “out of date” when the GameCube launched in 2001.) A final testament to the Dreamcast’s rabid fanbase was that Japanese developers kept releasing games years after the system’s demise!
The Dreamcast may be no more, but fortunately, it’s obtainable very easily and inexpensively. You’re doing yourself a great service if you pick one up, as there’s so many cheap, great games out there that will keep you entertained for a very long time. SEGA!
So, I’ve been toying with this idea for quite some time, and after an afternoon browsing my favorite fanart topics on DeviantArt, I decided to take the plunge and design my all-time favorite cartoon into a spooky, live-action adventure – yes, I’m talking prosthetics and spray paint! Now, anyone who’s ever seen this show knows that it was years beyond its time, and got very little of the recognition it deserved, save from its fans. So here’s my tribute:
Goliath: Eric Bana
Goliath not only needs to be tall and muscular, he also needs to be portrayed by someone familiar with the concept of honor, loyalty and leadership. Mr. Bana did just that in his role as Prince Hector in “Troy.” He can also give off the “wild beast” vibe – remember the first Hulk movie; the one no one seems to like? That and he looks good in very little clothing.
Elisa Maza: Rosario Dawson
This girl is gorgeous, she’s a geek, and she CAN act her way out of a paper bag. Eliza Maza is half-African/half-Native American, so I had to go with someone who looked like they could fit that description. Besides, the girl can play ANY role you throw at her, and I don’t think she’s played an honest cop, yet.
David Xanatos: Gerard Butler
While Jonathan Frakes reprising his role would have been ideal, too many years have gone by and he no longer looks appropriate. Enter the Spartan King, the Phantom of the Opera, the.. dead husband from PS I Love You? Anyway, he has a commanding presence, incredible talent, and the look to boot. I think I would enjoy seeing him play a billionaire-genius-villain.
Demona: Christina Hendricks
So at this point in her career, she’s done a lot of TV shows, including E.R., Tru Calling, Cold Case, and Mad Men. I think it’s time, however, for her to take on the big screen, and what better way to do that than as a hateful, jaded, blue-skinned, red-haired “demon.”
Hudson: Brian Cox
Um… it’s Brian Cox. Nuff said!
Brooklyn: Talyor Kitsch
I didn’t particularly care for his portrayal of Gambit in the recent Wolverine flick, but then again I didn’t care for the flick much at all. While he may have forgotten the cajun accent, he did manage to show that he has an acting ability as well as a few combat skills. I think he’ll fit nicely as second-in-command of the Manhattan Clan. Enjoy the beak!!
Broadway: Seth Rogen
I know, the guy is in EVERYTHING these days. Every comedy and CG movie has this guy in the credits. Though you have to admit he’s good at being the comic relief, which is Broadway’s primary function… well.. that and eating. But seriously, Rogen fits the bill.
Lexington: Seth Green
If you weren’t sold on my Broadway casting, there’s NO WAY you won’t be sold on this one! Small, Green and Geeky, meet Small, Geeky and Green! Someone short, someone talented, and someone not afraid to try new things (i.e. Robot Chicken or hosting Monday Night RAW).
Fox: Tricia Helfer
Tricia’s got a reputation for playing the badass chick on the block – Playing the Cylon Six in Battlestar Galactica, and the ruthless Carla in Burn Notice. She knows how to portray both devious and innocent at the same time, which fits her perfectly into the role of Xanatos’ scheming wife.
Owen Burnett: Paul Bettany
I originally had this role going to Cillian Murphy, but upon further research, I decided he was far better as a mass murderer than an evil butler. So who’s this guy, you ask? How about the voice of Jarvis in Iron Man (BUTLER CREDIT), Silas from The Da Vinci Code (EVIL CREDIT), and the husband of Jennifer Connelly (GEEK BY ASSOCIATION CREDIT…Jenny C. = Betty Ross v.1).
So there you have it – one of Disney’s finest creations designed for the darker masses of the world. Hey, if they could make an awesome PG-13 movie out of a park ride, they can do this with their hands tied behind their backs! *Insert Theme Music*
(This was originally posted last week on my own blog. I’m reposting it here because, goddammit, it’s important! I promise that Energy Tank will take a break from spamming the main page for a while…if you follow my instructions.)
Good morning, ignorant pigs. Put down your crack pipes and your beer bongs, and pay attention. I’ve got an important job for you.
This past week, Nintendo released The Legendary Starfy for the DS. While it may not appear so on the surface, this is actually one of most important game releases of the year.
You see, The Legendary Starfy is the fifth game in the Starfy series; in Japan, it’s known as Densetsu no Stafi: Taiketsu! Dire Kaizokudan. Yes, it took them this long to finally bring the series to the United States, and it’s your job to make sure they didn’t do so in vain.
Your task is simple: get off your lazy ass, go to your friendly neighborhood video game retailer, and buy a copy of The Legendary Starfy. Buy it for yourself, buy it for a friend, buy it for your kids…I don’t care, as long as you buy it. Sales equals popularity, people, and if Nintendo sees this one doing well, then we’ll get more of them. And not just future installments, mind you; developer TOSE has expressed interest in possibly localizing some of the previous Starfy titles!
In the interest of fairness, I suppose I should tell you a little bit about the game itself, so you’ll know what you’re getting into. The Starfy games are platformers, similar to the Kirby series. The player controls Starfy himself, and travels through various colorful oceanic worlds. Over time, Starfy learns new moves with which to trounce his enemies and unlock hidden areas. There’s loads of extra content in the game, ranging from hidden treasure chests to secret levels. Starfy also teams up with Bunston, a rabbit-like amnesiac prince who can grant him various powers. For example, when Starfy uses the Monstar ability, he turns into a firebreathing dragon! (These skills are highly reminiscent of the animal teamups in Kirby’s Dream Land 2.) Plenty of other characters are on hand to flesh out the story and assist our star-shaped hero, like Moe the clam, and Starfy’s younger sister, Starly. And yes, kids, there’s even multiplayer mode. If you want more information the game, just check out the official site.
Now then, I don’t want to hear any complaining about how the game is “too cute.” I’ve already called out the haters in that regard, so that excuse doesn’t fly with me. Sure, the graphics are colorful and the characters are happy-go-lucky creatures, but that’s part of the game’s charm. (Starfy’s voice alone is saccharine enough to rot your teeth.) All in all, the game is just good plain fun, and we definitely need more of those in this day and age. Don’t give me your bullshit excuses; get out there and pick up The Legendary Starfy right now, and show your support! And look, here’s a picture of the boxart, so you won’t have any trouble identifying it:
While everyone else has been off playing Generic First-Person Shooter #854: Same Old Future Past Warfare, I’ve been thoroughly enjoying Nintendo’s revival of their classic Punch-Out!! franchise on the Wii.
The new game, simply titled Punch-Out!!, will instantly bring back a flood of memories to anyone who grew up playing the classic Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out!! on the NES. Though Iron Mike himself is absent from the newest installment, you won’t miss him. All of your other favorite boxers, plus a few faces from the 1994 sequel Super Punch-Out!! and some new blood, are here for you to pummel. King Hippo, Soda Popinski, Super Macho Man (yes, he still flexes his muscular man-boobs)…they’re all waiting for you. In a first for the series, everything has lovingly rendered in full 3D. The cel-shading technique may have been beaten to death in the past, but with Punch-Out!!, it’s a perfect match.
Our hero Little Mac’s back in the ring, and all of his opponents appear larger than life, ready to knock him senseless. (Well, maybe except for Glass Joe.) Their classic taunts are there, but the voice acting and hilarious animations really raise the bar. As before, each boxer has their own trademark moves, plus over-the-top special attacks that will send you to the mat if you don’t adequately dodge or block them.
As far as controls are concerned, Punch-Out!! makes perfect use of the Wii Remote and Nunchuk as Little Mac’s right and left hands. However, for purists, you can opt to just use the Wii Remote alone, held sideways like an NES controller. (I prefer to use this control scheme myself, as it just seems quicker.) If you really want a challenge, you can even use the Wii Balance Board!
While the core game is identical to the previous installments of the series, Punch-Out!! does offer plenty of new content. Aside from the usual career mode, there’s an exhibition mode where you can practice against a hologram of the next boxer you’re scheduled to fight. This is absolutely crucial, especially as you work your way through the tougher circuits. The holograms can’t hurt you or knock you out, so use them to your advantage and learn your opponents’ tells and moves. After practicing, you can also fight in regular exhibition matches, and try to beat various challenges (for example, defeating a boxer without becoming tired). There’s also a two-player mode, in case you feel like punching your best friend in the face without dealing with those pesky assault charges.
However, the finest mode of all comes after you earn the world championship, and that is title defense mode. Now that Little Mac is the champ, did you honestly think that the boxers he defeated would let him rest on his laurels? Not a chance. They all want another shot…and they’ve changed their tactics! For example, King Hippo has protected his belly now by taping a manhole cover to it. You’ll have to relearn how to stop all of the boxers all over again in different ways as they come after you for revenge. At the end, there’s Mac’s Last Stand mode…and a very special guest is ready to make mincemeat out of your face. Better train hard!
On a final note, I realize that Punch-Out!! is absolutely loaded with ethnic stereotypes, some of which could almost be considered racist. The previous two games in the series were much the same. Upon closer inspection, however, anyone can see that it’s less about making fun of the characters’ nationalities, and more of making fun of the characters themselves. (Especially when you beat the snot out of them.) Besides, you’re going to get pummeled many times yourself by the various boxers anyway, so at the end of the day, all is fair.
Let me wrap up by mentioning that if you want a realistic boxing game, Punch-Out!! certainly isn’t the game for you; go nab one of the Fight Night games instead. Punch-Out!! is an arcade boxer through and through, but that’s what makes it so much fun. Do yourself a favor, and step into the ring for a few rounds with this one. You won’t be disappointed.
In true Lita fashion, I’ve taken my standard fifteen minute delay to get my ass on our lovely, brandy-new, nerdy site of awesomeness. And so, I give you the first of many to come: a visual companion to my Casting Couch!! *insert joyous applause*
Wolverine: Hugh Jackman
I don’t care who you are or what you like, you cannot argue that Hugh Jackman is the only man who can play Wolverine, no matter what the incarnation.
X-23: Summer Glau
She has the perfect track record, being both a Reader/Asskicker on Firefly and a Robot/Asskicker on the Terminator series. She can pull off the dark persona that any blood relative of Logan needs.
Domino: Charlize Theron
Come on, two words: Aeon Flux! This babe has the talent, the body, and the complexion to pull off jet-black hair. All we need is the face tattoo and we’ve got a movie!
Elixir: Penn Badgley
This role isn’t hard to fill, really. All you need is an actor who’s fluent in” Angsty Teen.” Enter this card, one of the new fads in the sexy teen shows on the CW. He has the look I’m hoping for, the rest is gold spay paint!
Vanisher: Michael Imperioli
Sleezy guy? Check! He’s in the Mafia for cryin’ out loud! This little gem came from The Soprano’s, so he knows how to play the guy just doing a job.
Angel/ArchAngel: Josh Duhamel
Seriously, he just screams Warren. And he’s no stranger to action – he’s married to Fergie! But no, I was referring to Transformers.
Warpath: Adam Beach
Do you know how difficult it is to find an actor who’s actually a full-blooded Native American?? It’s ridiculous! Luckily, Mr. Beach made quite a performance in WindTalkers. A little bulk and some big knives and we have Proudstar!
Hope: Elle Fanning
Her older sister, Dakota, is too old for Hope, and honestly, so is this little doll. But she just… looks right! Red hair and a blue suit. Just picture it. So cute!!
Cable/Stryfe: Bruce Willis
Yippy-Kay-Yay! ‘Nuff said!
Deadpool: Ryan Reynolds
I was sold on this pairing before the movie even hit Trailer-ready! He knows how to ramble like an idiot, and if you’re reading this story arc, you know that Deadpool in 800 years has absolutely lost it!
Bishop: Ving Rhames
The man has done it all, well… except play time-jumping mutant. And something tells me he won’t have much trouble sliding into the roll… now about the spandex…
Apocalypse: Keith David
While my movie plans to have the oldest mutant rendered in CGI, the voice can only be played by Goliath himself! “Excelerate your Mutation!”
OK, so I promised everyone a follow up to Episode 73. (By the way, if you haven’t actually listened to Episode 73 yet, go do that first. You’ll thank me later.) Here’s more info on what is easily the most insidious creature on the planet. Don’t believe me? Then read on my friends…..
Continue reading ‘Marc of the Beast: I’ve Got Crabs…with Parasites!!!’
Originally, I was going to do this segment on the podcast, but it just wouldn’t work without the appropriate visual aids.
In case you hadn’t noticed, today I’m taking about Flower. It’s a downloadable title released back in February for the PlayStation 3, and has done remarkably well for itself since then. However, popularity doesn’t always equal quality, so how does Flower fare as a game?
What immediately sets Flower apart from other titles is that fact that there is no main character. In fact, there’s no characters at all. You’re not even controlling the titular flowers when you play the various levels! What you are controlling is the environment, specifically, the wind and other air currents. In a nutshell, you direct the wind to blow petals from one group of flowers to the next, which will not only bloom them, but execute other changes in the environment. This could be shutting down broken electrical towers, moving large rocks blocking your path, and so on. Sometimes, you’re not even trying to bloom flowers; you might just be tracing a path around a certain area, and that will alter the level instead. While this may seem more like a puzzle game, Flower’s actually got a story to back it up, believe it or not. However, I can’t really tell you what it is without spoiling it.
Oh, and did I mention the game’s entirely motion-controlled? People may have bitched about the SIXAXIS controller in the past, but in Flower, it’s put to very good use. Tilting the controller gives you fluid control over the wind’s direction that no mere button or analog stick could provide. The only time you’ll be using a button is to increase wind speed, and even that’s not completely necessary. (It only helps if you’re in a rush to finish an area.)
On to graphics and sound. Flower is a game that truly requires an HDTV and surround sound system. (In fact, I purposefully refused to buy the game until I bought my new home theater! SDTV and stereo wouldn’t have cut it, kids.) The razor-sharp graphics, use of color and light, and atmospheric audio are nothing short of amazing. When you’re flying around the fields, so to speak, they truly look realistic! (For all you “graphics whores” out there…how does 200,000 individually animated blades of grass sound? Let’s see an FPS pull off something like that!)
Most importantly, though, is that Flower may be one hell of a audio and video showpiece, but it’s a damned fine game on top of that; it succeeds without all of the generic over-the-top violence seen in so many other games these days.
Still not convinced? Check out the trailer below. We rarely get to see truly innovative games like Flower, so don’t let it go to waste! If you’ve got a PS3, then you owe it to yourself to shell out the ten bucks and treat yourself to one of the finest games created in recent years.
Nintendo launched their much-heralded upgrade to the DS in the US yesterday…the DSi. For those of you that might be unfamiliar with the new console, it’s basically a more powerful DS, with the addition of two small digital cameras and an SD memory card slot. (Also, the GBA backwards compatibility slot has been removed.) All DS software still works fine on it, though, so it’s not like it’s a forced upgrade.
However, unless you’re one of the very few people who don’t already own a DS, there’s absolutely no reason to buy a DSi. There are no DSi-enhanced games out yet, nor are there any titles that are DSi-exclusive. (Nintendo has said these are in the works, but a long ways off.) Even the system’s shiny new DSiWare service, where you can download games online, is lackluster. There’s only a few quick action games available at launch; even though you get a thousand free Nintendo Points with which to purchase stuff, none of the titles are worth it!
Adding insult to injury is the fact that the DSi retails for $169.99, whereas the DS Lite is $129.99. For an extra forty beans, you’re not even getting any new cartridges that take advantage of the DSi’s upgraded hardware! (Sorry, the crappy DSiWare titles don’t count.)
Sadly, we’ve seen this kind of behavior from Nintendo many times in the past. For example, the Nintendo 64 was hyped to high heaven…and it only launched with two games, Super Mario 64 and Pilotwings 64. (To be fair, Super Mario 64 still ranks as one of the finest video games of all time.) While I’m in no rush to buy yet another handheld—the DS replaced the GBA far too quickly, in my opinion—it would’ve been nice to see Nintendo avoid jumping the gun for once.
(On an unrelated note, make sure you’re following us on Twitter!)
