Monthly Archive for June, 2009

(This was originally posted last week on my own blog. I’m reposting it here because, goddammit, it’s important! I promise that Energy Tank will take a break from spamming the main page for a while…if you follow my instructions.)

Good morning, ignorant pigs. Put down your crack pipes and your beer bongs, and pay attention. I’ve got an important job for you.

This past week, Nintendo released The Legendary Starfy for the DS. While it may not appear so on the surface, this is actually one of most important game releases of the year.

You see, The Legendary Starfy is the fifth game in the Starfy series; in Japan, it’s known as Densetsu no Stafi: Taiketsu! Dire Kaizokudan. Yes, it took them this long to finally bring the series to the United States, and it’s your job to make sure they didn’t do so in vain.

Your task is simple: get off your lazy ass, go to your friendly neighborhood video game retailer, and buy a copy of The Legendary Starfy. Buy it for yourself, buy it for a friend, buy it for your kids…I don’t care, as long as you buy it. Sales equals popularity, people, and if Nintendo sees this one doing well, then we’ll get more of them. And not just future installments, mind you; developer TOSE has expressed interest in possibly localizing some of the previous Starfy titles!

In the interest of fairness, I suppose I should tell you a little bit about the game itself, so you’ll know what you’re getting into. The Starfy games are platformers, similar to the Kirby series. The player controls Starfy himself, and travels through various colorful oceanic worlds. Over time, Starfy learns new moves with which to trounce his enemies and unlock hidden areas. There’s loads of extra content in the game, ranging from hidden treasure chests to secret levels. Starfy also teams up with Bunston, a rabbit-like amnesiac prince who can grant him various powers. For example, when Starfy uses the Monstar ability, he turns into a firebreathing dragon! (These skills are highly reminiscent of the animal teamups in Kirby’s Dream Land 2.) Plenty of other characters are on hand to flesh out the story and assist our star-shaped hero, like Moe the clam, and Starfy’s younger sister, Starly. And yes, kids, there’s even multiplayer mode. If you want more information the game, just check out the official site.

Now then, I don’t want to hear any complaining about how the game is “too cute.” I’ve already called out the haters in that regard, so that excuse doesn’t fly with me. Sure, the graphics are colorful and the characters are happy-go-lucky creatures, but that’s part of the game’s charm. (Starfy’s voice alone is saccharine enough to rot your teeth.) All in all, the game is just good plain fun, and we definitely need more of those in this day and age. Don’t give me your bullshit excuses; get out there and pick up The Legendary Starfy right now, and show your support! And look, here’s a picture of the boxart, so you won’t have any trouble identifying it:

While everyone else has been off playing Generic First-Person Shooter #854: Same Old Future Past Warfare, I’ve been thoroughly enjoying Nintendo’s revival of their classic Punch-Out!! franchise on the Wii.

The new game, simply titled Punch-Out!!, will instantly bring back a flood of memories to anyone who grew up playing the classic Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out!! on the NES. Though Iron Mike himself is absent from the newest installment, you won’t miss him. All of your other favorite boxers, plus a few faces from the 1994 sequel Super Punch-Out!! and some new blood, are here for you to pummel. King Hippo, Soda Popinski, Super Macho Man (yes, he still flexes his muscular man-boobs)…they’re all waiting for you. In a first for the series, everything has lovingly rendered in full 3D. The cel-shading technique may have been beaten to death in the past, but with Punch-Out!!, it’s a perfect match.

Our hero Little Mac’s back in the ring, and all of his opponents appear larger than life, ready to knock him senseless. (Well, maybe except for Glass Joe.) Their classic taunts are there, but the voice acting and hilarious animations really raise the bar. As before, each boxer has their own trademark moves, plus over-the-top special attacks that will send you to the mat if you don’t adequately dodge or block them.

As far as controls are concerned, Punch-Out!! makes perfect use of the Wii Remote and Nunchuk as Little Mac’s right and left hands. However, for purists, you can opt to just use the Wii Remote alone, held sideways like an NES controller. (I prefer to use this control scheme myself, as it just seems quicker.) If you really want a challenge, you can even use the Wii Balance Board!

While the core game is identical to the previous installments of the series, Punch-Out!! does offer plenty of new content. Aside from the usual career mode, there’s an exhibition mode where you can practice against a hologram of the next boxer you’re scheduled to fight. This is absolutely crucial, especially as you work your way through the tougher circuits. The holograms can’t hurt you or knock you out, so use them to your advantage and learn your opponents’ tells and moves. After practicing, you can also fight in regular exhibition matches, and try to beat various challenges (for example, defeating a boxer without becoming tired). There’s also a two-player mode, in case you feel like punching your best friend in the face without dealing with those pesky assault charges.

However, the finest mode of all comes after you earn the world championship, and that is title defense mode. Now that Little Mac is the champ, did you honestly think that the boxers he defeated would let him rest on his laurels? Not a chance. They all want another shot…and they’ve changed their tactics! For example, King Hippo has protected his belly now by taping a manhole cover to it. You’ll have to relearn how to stop all of the boxers all over again in different ways as they come after you for revenge. At the end, there’s Mac’s Last Stand mode…and a very special guest is ready to make mincemeat out of your face. Better train hard!

On a final note, I realize that Punch-Out!! is absolutely loaded with ethnic stereotypes, some of which could almost be considered racist. The previous two games in the series were much the same. Upon closer inspection, however, anyone can see that it’s less about making fun of the characters’ nationalities, and more of making fun of the characters themselves. (Especially when you beat the snot out of them.) Besides, you’re going to get pummeled many times yourself by the various boxers anyway, so at the end of the day, all is fair.

Let me wrap up by mentioning that if you want a realistic boxing game, Punch-Out!! certainly isn’t the game for you; go nab one of the Fight Night games instead. Punch-Out!! is an arcade boxer through and through, but that’s what makes it so much fun. Do yourself a favor, and step into the ring for a few rounds with this one. You won’t be disappointed.